Don't Come Home Daddy!
by Jon Pascual
Summary: A short story featuring various famous historical figures and historical leaders. It is a parody of a fiction work that I assume is posted here on this site somewhere. This will be my one and only story on here. So it was nice meeting you, goodbye forever


Hay guyz! It's me Jon Pascual here with a short story. Depending on the feedback I get I'LL KILL MYSELF! Right now though it's just a short story. Now for the LEGAL STUFF: I did not use the word crap because that was too edgy for me. This story is rated G and is A-OK to read to anyone, from newborns to recently deceased.

The ruby red Cadillac rushed down the road at 200 miles an hour. Pagan was pissed off. There was a woman in the back seat of his car having a baby. It was disgusting. She was ruining his leather seats. He doubted he would ever get his seats to smell normal again.

"Yo bitch you mess up my car seats I will fucking kill you!" Pagan waved his fists at her. He would too. He could pick up more hoes on any street corner. After all he was head pimp in this lawless town. He turned on his rap music to calm himself down. The music deafened the sound of that crazy bitch having a baby. He still had to put up with the view of her pushing the little bastard out from the rear view mirror. He shuddered. This sucks.

He had passed the hospital a half hour ago. Sadly if he stopped at this speed Relina would go flying out of the car. Really that wasn't a bad idea. He moved his foot towards the break pedal when he saw a car chasing after him in the rear view mirror.

It was a Hummer H2 being driven by Rush Limbaugh. The hummer was covered in gold plated crosses and of course he was driving on the right hand side. His hummer got 5 meters per gallon of oil mixed with the blood of fallen Americans. He was out to get them because Relina was having a baby out of wed lock. Rush was pissed off at this as he had told Pagan to keep his hoes engaged only in marital sex when he pimped them.

Pagan was fucked.

Jesus Christ the son of god jumped out of the sun roof of Rush Limbaugh's Hummer. Using the 5 inch long nails that had been put through his hands he stabbed through the back of the car, climbing it like a spider. The last thing Pagan saw was Jesus' hand as he placed it on Pagan's head turning it to wine.

Justice had been served for this man. Now that left the woman.

The car crashed and Relina blacked out.

When she awoke she found herself in the center of a wrestling ring. She stood up and saw she was all alone in the gym in the center of the ring. Then she heard a pounding on the door. The door burst with Hulk Hogan's rushing through. He tore off his shirt and screamed. "Do you think you can insult the Christian Right Wing? Well let me tell you something, brother, the Hulkmainia is gonna run wild on you! ITS TIME FOR A WORLD OF PAIN! OH YEAH! "

Hulk Hogan ran up and did his world famous Atomic Leg Drop on Relina. Bursting through the wall came Sting. "It's showtime, folks!" He lifted Relina off the ground and put her in a head lock. Suddenly flying down from the sky came Randy Savage. "Macho Madness is coming at ya!" He landed the sky elbow on Relina's neck snapping it instantly.

The wrestlers sat in silence for a moment and all silently nodded to each other. They had done the right thing. This was the only way it could have been. Now there was only one thing left to do. They called Golddust. Who had been waiting outside in a parking lot. After talking for a few minutes he hung up and walked up the stairs to Matisleonhart 's apartment. Using his butt bump he burst through the door. He then proceeded to give Matisleonhart the Oscar Treatment by slamming his head into the monitor. It was a blessing that he was killed instantly.

Heero who had gotten a job at hot topic sat there listening to Linkin Park. "Oh I wonder how Relina is doing..." Suddenly Mr. T burst through the door. "For years Mr. T disappeared. Fools went unpitied and Jibber-Jabber went unchallenged! Now Mr. T is back to get one more fool!"

Many people wondered what happened to the baby. The answer is simple, the baby was personally aborted by the pope. Why? Well as it turns out the church isn't above aborting a few babies to prevent the coming of the Anti-Christ.

That's it. I hope you like it. Please leave feedback so I know it's good. If it isn't I will KILL MYSELF because I live for feedback from people on the internet! Give me lots of good feedback and I will read it with Jesus Christ up in Heaven!


End file.
